Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Guest Post: Cafe Rio

2537 South 25 East
Ammon, ID 8340
(208) 821-3636

My fondest memory of Cafe Rio ended in vomiting strawberry milkshake all over a parking lot. No, Cafe Rio does not sell milkshakes. It does, however, craft one of the finer enchilada-style, barbacoa pork burritos of any Mexican-ish chain restaurant that I know. Sound like a mouthful? It is.

Which brings me back to my point. The milkshake, the damn milkshake. It was the one thing that came between me and competitive eating glory – I did have my day, mind you. During my younger, more competitive, years I did claim several victories that included 50 Wendy's nuggets in less than 10 minutes, and back-to-back Barbacoa burritos. The day that marked my final showdown (and ultimate defeat) began one fine afternoon with a challenge: meal for meal till someone dropped out. My competitor didn't seem to have much of a chance. I had a good 40 lbs. on him and to this point I'd never seen proof of his capabilities. He did have one critical ability of which I was not aware, his inhuman capacity to stomach dairy.

The competition began with a headfirst dive in into the famed enchilada-style barbacoa pork burrito.


Without question, this is a sufficient meal for two normal eaters. The tortillas are made on site and the pork is marinated in a delectable blend of sweet and spicy.

The recipe can be found here. I highly recommend whipping up a few pounds of it and figuring out a way to integrate it into every meal for one week. Another noteworthy item on the menu is the salad. It is basically a burrito with a little bit of lettuce that hasn't been wrapped up.


Think of Cafe Rio as a less healthy Chipotle, which makes it way better and more cheese covered.

Back to the eating challenge. After violently consuming a burrito each, my competitor and I worked our way down the block. Next up was a large Quizno's sandwich each. I honestly thought this would be as far as this competition would go, but we breezed right through it. Both eager to defend our title, our sights turned to Crown Burger. This would ultimately be my demise. How this little dude was still in the running was beyond me, though I should have taken note that many reigning eating champions are not usually very big. Takeru Kobayashi, weighing in at only 136 pounds, held the title of Nathan's Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest for 6 years. Whatever the case, dairy has no place in a competition of any kind. And worse yet, don't mix beans and enchilada sauce with strawberry syrup and ice cream. It's kind of like mentos and diet coke, but with beans!

The truth is that I lost fair and square. I lost my eating title while crying/puking behind a greasy burger place. It was pathetic.


Anonymous said...

I love this website, but am surprised the site owner would be so naive and callous to allow a "guest" review such as this. If I were the owner of Cafe Rio I'd haul your butt into court TODAY for defamation! The "guest" reviewer begins his comments by saying he VOMITED in the restaurant's parking lot - and then reveals this violent and disgusting reference was caused by a DIFFERENT restaurant?! Phoodie, did you even READ the review before you published it?! This may have been an attempt at creative writing, but it was misguided and juvenile. C'mon, Phoodie - once you go public, you have a responsibility to the public!

Philly Phoodie said...

Anonymous, I am sorry you didn't take the time to read the article. In no way did the writer claim to be sick from bad food, he lost an eating competition. Obviously you are not familiar with the concept of defamation.

Anonymous said...

Phoodie, thanks for responding, but I am sorry you didn’t take the time to read my entire comment (above). Of course I read the entire article; I even noted the guest reviewer later “reveals this violent and disgusting reference was caused by a DIFFERENT restaurant”.

The point is that most readers (and search engines) will scan the first sentence of the review (“My fondest memory of Cafe Rio ended in vomiting strawberry milkshake all over a parking lot”) and move on. Who wants details and elaboration of such a disgusting event? First, and most important, the “v” word belongs nowhere near a food website. Second, this is shameful from a journalistic viewpoint. Finally, do you think the review was in any way fair to the owners of Café Rio?

Philly Phoodie said...

Anonymous, thank you for your concern.

Jones said...

Dear Anonymous,

I regret to inform you that you have been the victim of defamation. Please see here ( ), here ( ), and here ( ).

I am a licensed member of the bar in two states. Please call me immediately so we can get to work on your case.


Anonymous said...

It's about time you found the limit of that bottomless chasm that is your stomach, Justin. I just hope there was a monetary wager on the contest. That would, in my mind, make up for a little of the money that I wasted on the two contests you referenced in your "review". By the way, nice work in calling in a defamtion consultant to cite a couple of precedents. It's good to see the three of you working together to defend the good name of PhillyPhoodie. Cheers, boys.

Anonymous said...

Jones, I respect your defense of this website against a perceived attack from an anonymous poster; however, please note that all my comments have been respectful. As noted from the start, I truly love this blog. For all the superb reviews that have been posted here, it saddens me to find (this) one, with the power to ruin someone’s livelihood.

If you think I exaggerate, try googling ‘Café Rio Philadelphia’. The first result is the review from this website with the line, “My fondest memory of Café Rio ended in vomiting...” Yes, I was mistaken to assert defamation, but certainly, this is just plain wrong on many levels – and beneath the standards that have been set by Phoodie.